MISTER SISTER
Scene - The Street Where Jonah Lives
Exterior. Night. JONAH and RIVER enter. They stop in front of JONAH's door. 1381
JONAH
I had a pretty good time.
RIVER
I aim to please.
JONAH starts to study RIVER's face.
JONAH
Wow.
RIVER
What?
JONAH
I just realized why you look familiar.
RIVER
Yeah, you've been saying that all night.
JONAH
Yeah, but now I know. You're Cory's ex.
RIVER
You know Cory?
JONAH
Well, I've seen him around, and he talks to me sometimes, but I don't think he'd ever point me out in a crowd of people. I didn't know you guys broke up.
RIVER
Yeah.
JONAH
That is so sad. I thought you guys looked real sweet together. Like you were going to work out. I was very happy when I heard you guys got engaged?
RIVER
Engaged?
JONAH
Oh yeah.
RIVER
We're not engaged.
JONAH
Sorry, I must've misheard.
RIVER
I hope so. When did you hear that.
JONAH
Maybe it's better not to talk about this.
RIVER
No we should. It sounds like something he would lie about.
JONAH
He would lie about being engaged?
RIVER
He was kind of juvenile like that. He didn't really have any aspirations.
JONAH
Hmmm, that's the second time I've heard that about him.
RIVER
Really?
JONAH
I'm friends with a guy he used to date. Marcello.
RIVER
Oh Marcello. I think I've heard about him.
JONAH
He said that Cory seemed directionless. Naive. Childish. I feel bad for him.
RIVER
I gave him a chance to change. But he didn't.
A moment of silence. Then:
JONAH
If you want to talk about this, you can come on in.
RIVER
Really?
JONAH
Yeah. I'm a good listener.
RIVER
Okay.
JONAH leads RIVER inside his apartment.
Scene - A Park Bench
Exterior. Daytime. JONAH is at a park bench reading a book called "The Zen of Oz." CORY approaches him from behind, frustrated and pacing frantically.
CORY
Hello.
JONAH
Hi Cory.
CORY
You know me?
JONAH
Yes. Don't you know me?
CORY
I think so.
JONAH
If you don't know me, then why did you approach me?
CORY
You've been hanging out with River. My fiancee.
JONAH
Fiancee? Pretty cool.
CORY
Yeah. Umm... stop hanging out with my fiancee.
JONAH
I hung out with him once, and I don't see why that bothers you.
CORY
He told me he went on a date with you.
JONAH
He told me that you guys were broken up.
CORY
You can't date your friend's ex.
JONAH
Two things: Does it really matter? You're engaged. Also, do you really consider us friends? I'm lucky if you even look my way.
CORY
Just stay away.
JONAH
Okay.
CORY
Okay.
JONAH
You might want to stay for a few moments though.
CORY
And why is that?
JONAH
He's meeting me here real soon.
CORY
Oh?
JONAH
Yes, have a seat.
CORY sits next to JONAH on the bench. JONAH continues reading his book. CORY looks restless.
CORY
Isn't this awkward?
JONAH
Why would it be awkward.
CORY
For you?
JONAH
I'm fine.
CORY
But you're like, the mistress.
JONAH
I am not the mistress. He's my friend. I thought you were too. Obviously I was wrong.
CORY
Hey, we're friends.
RIVER enters.
RIVER (TO JONAH)
Hi sexy.
CORY (TO JONAH)
You backstabbing bitch.
RIVER (TO CORY)
Cory?
CORY (TO RIVER)
What are you doing with him?
RIVER (TO RIVER)
What are you doing with him?
JONAH gets up to leave.
JONAH
I'm going to leave you guys to talk.
CORY
No, I want you to stay, so you can hear him say that he's my fiancee.
JONAH stays.
RIVER
I'm not your fiancee, we broke up months ago.
JONAH (TO CORY)
Still want me to stay?
CORY (TO RIVER)
I thought we got back together.
RIVER
You thought wrong. We're done. We've been done.
CORY
So, you're saying we're done?
JONAH (TO CORY)
I could still go if you want me too.
CORY (TO JONAH)
Shut up.
RIVER (TO CORY)
Hey, don't talk to him like that, I happen to really like him.
JONAH (TO RIVER)
We can talk about us later.
CORY (TO JONAH)
You backstabbing bitch.
JONAH
I don't know why you're calling me that? How did I backstab you? You didn't even know who I was until today.
CORY
You said we were friends, so you were backstabbing.
JONAH
So I'm backstabbing you because I called you a friend, but since you had no idea we were friends I don't consider that backstabbing.
RIVER
My head hurts.
JONAH
Cory, you don't know me, and it says a lot about you that you would confront a person you barely know about a problem you have with someone you call your fiancee. Talk to your fiancee.
CORY (TO RIVER)
If that's what you want. You can have him.
RIVER (TO CORY)
I don't know if he's what I want, but I know you're not what I want. You definitely are not what I want.
CORY
So we're broken up?
RIVER
We've been broken up, you just can't get it through your thick skull.
CORY
Then you should just say so. Jeez.
CORY exits.
RIVER (TO CORY)
Where are you going?
JONAH
Well. That was fun.
JONAH starts to exit, but RIVER stops him.
RIVER
Hey, where are you going?
JONAH
I have to things to figure out.
RIVER
What do you mean?
JONAH
I mean, you have things to figure out.
RIVER
Look, Cory's not coming to come between us.
JONAH
It's not that. This is all just moving way too fast for me. I like taking things at a slow pace and already I've had a jealous ex and a dramatic scene at my favorite quiet spot in the park. And that's all before date number 2.
RIVER
Look. You can't penalize me for him.
JONAH
I like my life simple.
RIVER
With me, you'll have a simple life.
JONAH
With you? Look. Can we just be friends?
RIVER
Damn, friend zoned.
RIVER sits on the bench, defeated. JONAH joins him. Almost comforting.
JONAH
You're not friend zoned okay. I don't think you should have a boyfriend, and I definitely don't want one either. I have commitment issues. But I can be your friend.
Pause
RIVER
Can we have sex and such?
JONAH
Yeah sure why not.
RIVER
Cool.
JONAH and RIVER get up and head out as MARCELLO enters.
JONAH
Hey Marcello.
MARCELLO
Hey.
RIVER (TO CORY)
Is that Cory's other ex.
JONAH
Yes.
CORY enters.
CORY (TO MARCELLO)
Marcello?
MARCELLO
Hey.
CORY (TP JONAH)
Were you talking to him? Stay away from my boyfriend.
JONAH and RIVER exit.
CORY
Where are you going? Hey!!!
CORY exits, MARCELLO exits.
END
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