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Wednesday, August 7, 2013

31 Plays in 31 Days - Day 7 - The Princess and the...


          THE PRINCESS AND THE...

          SCENE - THE THRONE ROOM

          Interior. Night. It's raining outside. The Throne Room. KING
          and QUEEN are pacing worriedly.

                              KING
                    I don't know what to do about him.

                              QUEEN
                    He's your son.

                              KING
                    He's your son too.

                              QUEEN
                    Yeah whatever.

                              KING
                    Tomorrow is his debut into society,
                    and he's just not ready.

                              QUEEN
                    Maybe we're being too harsh. Maybe
                    the kingdom is ready for a ruler
                    with a little more, edge than you
                    and I.

                              KING
                    Maybe.

          PRINCE enters.

                              PRINCE
                    Hey mom, hey pops. I'm so ready for
                    all these princesses to attend to
                    my balls.

                              QUEEN
                    No honey, we're only have one ball.
                    That's your debut remember.

                              PRINCE
                    I was talking about my testicles.

          PRINCE high fives KING and QUEEN and exits.

                              QUEEN
                    He's a lunatic.

                              KING
                    Well, maybe he'll meet a nice young
                    princess at the ball, and she'll
                    calm down. Tame the wild beast.

          A knock is heard at the door.

                              QUEEN
                    Who is that? At this hour? In this
                    weather?

          QUEEN gets the door and a MAIDEN, wet from the rain, enters.

                              MAIDEN
                    Hello, I'm sorry to disturb you,
                    but my carriage got wrecked and I
                    was hoping I could find some
                    shelter here if just for a moment.

                              QUEEN
                    Of course, come on in dearie.

                              MAIDEN
                    Thank you your majesty.

          QUEEN has MAIDEN sit on the throne and puts a fur around
          her.

                              KING (CALLING OFFSTAGE)
                    Guards, tend to her horse.

                              MAIDEN
                    I hope I'm not too much trouble.

          PRINCE enters and notices MAIDEN.

                              QUEEN
                    You are no trouble. It's nice to
                    have a lady in the castle for a
                    change, there's nothing but men
                    here.

                              PRINCE
                    Don't I know it. We need more young
                    lasses here like yourself. But it's
                    a man's world baby.

                              MAIDEN
                    Hello.

                              KING
                    This is my son. Son, this maiden is
                    going to stay with us tonight.

                              PRINCE
                    Oh is she? Well hello there sweet
                    young thing.

                              MAIDEN
                    Hello your royal highness

                              PRINCE
                    Tell me Maiden, have you ever been
                    penetrated by lust?

                              MAIDEN
                    What?

                              KING
                    Down boy. Go to your room.

                              PRINCE
                    I'd rather go to her room.

          QUEEN gets up and leads MAIDEN offstage.

                              QUEEN
                    Come here Maiden, I'll take you to
                    your room, where you'll be safe.
                    (to PRINCE) And you, stay put.

          PRINCE stays put as his father approaches him.

                              KING
                    Now son, is it really necessary for
                    you to be as vulgar as you are?

                              PRINCE
                    Hey, I'm a man. I'm a man in power.
                    I can do what I want. And let me
                    tell you what I want...

                              KING
                    I think everyone within a 10 mile
                    radius of you knows what you want.
                    And you, are no man. You are a boy
                    in a very fortunate position.

          As KING continues to speak, PRINCE sneaks out unknowingly to
          KING.

                              KING
                    You will rule, but if you don't do
                    it correctly, you will die by the
                    hands of the people. What do you
                    have to say to that? Son? Son?

          SCENE - A PRINCESS ROOM

          QUEEN and MAIDEN enter. A pile of mattresses are on the bed.

                              QUEEN
                    Come here my lady. This is your
                    room.

                              MAIDEN
                    Oh it's lovely in here.

          QUEEN takes a nightgown from the closet and hands them to
          MAIDEN.

                              QUEEN
                    Yes. It was supposed to be my
                    daughter's room, but instead, the
                    King and I had a son.

          MAIDEN goes behind a partition and starts to change while
          still talking.

                              MAIDEN
                    Sounds like a sacred place your
                    majesty.

                              QUEEN
                    I guess it is. No one ever comes in
                    here. But tonight, this is your
                    space.

                              MAIDEN
                    What's with, all these mattresses
                    piled on each other?

                              QUEEN
                    Oh I could never decide on a color
                    scheme, so I ordered all these
                    extra mattresses. I can have one of
                    my servants take them down.

          The MAIDEN is dressed and ready for bed.

                              MAIDEN
                    No it's okay. It looks really cozy.

                              QUEEN
                    Are you sure?

                              MAIDEN
                    Yes. You see I don't own a bed, so
                    having a bed so high and grand
                    would be a dream come true.

                              QUEEN
                    If you wish. Have a good night my
                    dear.

                              MAIDEN
                    I will, and thank you your majesty.

          QUEEN exits. PRINCE reveals he was hiding behind the
          curtains of the huge window. He has a bottle of champagne
          with him.

                              PRINCE (TO HIMSELF)
                    She certainly will have a good
                    night. I have needs my dear. Needs
                    that have never been met. Never.

          MAIDEN starts to snore.

                              PRINCE
                    Guess, I won't be needing this. Oh
                    what the heck.

          (PRINCE takes a swig of the chapmagne and starts to climb up
          the mattresses)

          SCENE - THE BREAKFAST TABLE

          Morning. The KING and QUEEN are at a grand table with two
          empty chairs opposite of them. The poor and rich of the
          kingdom surround them at the table, other tables, and on the
          dance floor as music plays.

                              KING
                    Thank you for joining us for
                    breakfast people of Royal Kingdom.

                              QUEEN
                    We are delighted to have you join
                    us. Please help yourselves.

          MAIDEN enters. She is very tired.

                              QUEEN
                    My dear, you will sit with me right
                    here.

          MAIDEN takes the seat next to QUEEN.

                              MAIDEN
                    Thank you your majesty.

                              QUEEN
                    Are you okay.

                              MAIDEN
                    Yes I'm fine.

          PRINCE enters looking refreshed. He is calm and charming.

                              QUEEN
                    Oh here's my son.

                              PRINCE
                    Hello mother, father. People of
                    Royal Kingdom. Good morning.

                              KING (CONFUSED)
                    You seem different my son.

                              PRINCE
                    Really?

                              QUEEN
                    Yes. You seem like a new man.

                              PRINCE
                    Oh mother, I had a most amazing
                    experience yesterday.

          PRINCE stands behind MAIDEN and puts his hand on her
          shoulders. Caressing her. She is still tired.

                              QUEEN (STARTING TO REALIZE)
                    You did?

                              PRINCE
                    Yes.

          The music stops and the people of the kingdom, rich and
          poor, are listening intensely.

                              MAIDEN
                    I wish I could say the same. Last
                    night I could've sworn I was
                    sleeping on a great big pe...

                              QUEEN (VERY LOUD)
                    Pea! A Pea!

                              KING
                    What is that?

                              QUEEN
                    The Maiden here, she passed my
                    test. My princess test.

                              KING
                    What princess test?

                              QUEEN (MAKING IT UP AS SHE GOES ALONG)
                    You know The Princess Test. In
                    which The Maiden feels a pea under
                    a dozen mattresses. Only a
                    princess' skin would be sensitive
                    enough to feel it.

                              MAIDEN
                    Oh I felt it.

                              PRINCE (TO THE MAIDEN)
                    Me too.

                              QUEEN
                    So, since this Maiden felt the pea,
                    she is indeed, no longer a poor
                    peasant girl. She's a princess. And
                    she's going to marry the prince.

                              PRINCE
                    What?

                              MAIDEN
                    What?

                              QUEEN
                    Yes, long live the future King and
                    Queen.

          The people rejoice and everyone exits in grand celebration,
          leaving MAIDEN and PRINCE alone.

                              MAIDEN
                    That was you last night?

                              PRINCE
                    Yes.

                              MAIDEN
                    That was no pea.

                              PRINCE
                    Indeed it wasn't.

                              MAIDEN
                    It had more in common with a ripe
                    cucumber.

                              PRINCE
                    You flatter me.

          MAIDEN embraces PRINCE. Especially his mouth.

                              MAIDEN
                    I love you my Prince.

                              PRINCE
                    What? I know we bumped uglies last
                    night, but we did just meet. I
                    think we have to get to know each
                    other first.

                              MAIDEN
                    What can I say? I may be a princess
                    now, but I've always been a size
                    queen.

          The two kiss.

                                                              END

                           
                 

       

       

       

       


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