THE
GOODHEARTS
Interior.
Afternoon. A living room that has a dinning room that flows right
into it. ROBERT is on the living room couch with a bowl of spaghetti
watching TV. HEATHER enters ready to set the dinning room table and
sees ROBERT.
HEATHER
Robert,
what did I tell you about eating in the living room?
ROBERT
Heather
please. I just got back from work and I just want to enjoy my
spaghetti.
Audience
laugh track is heard. HEATHER gives him a dirty look.
ROBERT
The
spaghetti you've so carefully prepared my dear.
Audience
laugh track is heard. HEATHER turns back around to prepare setting
the table. Unknown to her, as soon she turns around, ROBERT has
spilled the entirety of his spaghetti on the couch by accident due to
a startling moment on his TV show. He goes to try to find solutions
to hide the huge stain.
HEATHER
I just hate
when you don't listen to me. I don't say these things to hear myself
ya' know. I just say them because I'm a stay at home and I know this
house front to back and I hate food stains in the living room. I have
carefully set up our dining room so you can eat there. I've even
positioned the TV so you can see it from where you eat in the dining
room, if you ate at the dining room, and still, you eat in the living
room.
The
laughter has increased as ROBERT has found a white blanket to throw
over the white couch and hides the stain completely. HEATHER turns
around to face ROBERT.
ROBERT
I
understand.
Audience
laugh track is heard.
HEATHER
Did you
finish all that spaghetti?
ROBERT
Yes ma'am
it was good.
Audience
laugh track is heard.
HEATHER
Thanks.
Don't eat in here.
HEATHER
exits. BOBBY enters.
ROBERT
Son, do me
a favor.
BOBBY
Yeah.
ROBERT
I'm going
to take your mother out for dinner. While we're out, you have to
clean this. Please.
ROBERT
shows BOBBY the stain on the couch.
BOBBY
Oh mom's
gonna kill you.
Audience
laugh track is heard.
ROBERT
Not if my
son helps me. My son who will also get a 20 dollar advance in his
allowance if he helps me.
HEATHER
enters.
HEATHER
What do you
guys want for dinner.
BOBBY
You should
go out, you go out, guys... go out.
Audience
laugh track is heard.
HEATHER
What?
ROBERT
I was just
telling Bobby boy here that, he notices that you work so hard all day
and never get a single thank you.
HEATHER
He did?
BOBBY
I did?
ROBERT
You did.
(audience laugh track is heard) So, I'm going to say thank you by
taking you out for dinner.
HEATHER
Oh Robert.
BOBBY
Cool, we're
going to Mickey's?
Audience
laugh track is heard.
HEATHER
The fast
food restaraunt?
ROBERT
We're not
going to Mickey's, and you're not going, remember? Advanced notice?
BOBBY
What? Oh?
Audience
laugh track is heard.
ROBERT
Oh!!! Yes!
HEATHER
What?
ROBERT
Nevermind
dear, he's sick. Get your purse.
HEATHER
We're going
now? Shouldn't we call a babysitter?
ROBERT
Oh the kids
are teenagers, they'll be fine.
HEATHER
No parties!
ROBERT
and HEATHER exit. The audience track roars with laughter. BOBBY looks
at the stain and starts to roll his sleeves up. SARAH enters.
SARAH
What did
you do?
BOBBY
Dad spilled
spaghetti on mom's white couch.
SARAH
It looks
like crime scene.
BOBBY
Yeah, don't
it?
Audience
laugh track is heard. SARAH flinches.
SARAH
Mom and dad
aren't home then?
BOBBY
No he took
her out so I can hide the evidence.
Audience
laugh track is heard. SARAH flinches again and takes out a gun. She
aims it at BOBBY. Lights out.
SARAH
Oh, okay.
Lights
back on. BOBBY is tied up and unconscious on the couch near the
spaghetti stain on the couch. ROBERT and HEATHER enter.
ROBERT
Bobby?
Sarah?
HEATHER
Kids? Oh my
GOD!!!!
HEATHER
sees BOBBY tied up on the couch. SARAH enters aiming the gun at
HEATHER and ROBERT.
SARAH
Sit on the
couch.
ROBERT
Sarah,
where did you get a gun?
SARAH
Just shut
up and sit down.
HEATHER
and ROBERT sit on the couch with BOBBY.
HEATHER
Honey, is
something wrong?
Audience
laugh track is heard. SARAH closes her eyes as the laughter fades.
SARAH
I feel
trapped in this sitcom world.
Audience
laugh track is heard.
SARAH
This is not
funny.
HEATHER
Sarah, baby
we love you. What are you doing?
SARAH
I'm a real
teenage girl with real problems. No one at school likes me. I want to
die. I'm bullied. I hate everyone.
Audience
laugh track is heard. SARAH covers her ears.
SARAH
Shut up,
just shut up. Just shut up.
ROBERT
Sarah, put
the gun down.
HEATHER
Honey we
love you. Please stop.
BOBBY
wakes up.
BOBBY
What's
going on?
SARAH is
startled.
SARAH
What?
BOBBY
What's
wrong Sarah?
Audience
laughter is heard.
SARAH
I can't
stand it here.
SARAH
runs offstage with the gun. HEATHER looks on at her daughter.
HEATHER
Sarah
NO!!!! Please....
A
gunshot is heard.
ROBERT
Oh God.
BOBBY
Sarah?
Sarah?
Lights
off. Lights back on. A new couch is in the living room. ROBERT is in
the dinning room on the table eating spaghetti. HEATHER enters, looks
at ROBERT, and smiles.
HEATHER
Look who's
eating at the dinning room table.
ROBERT
I learned
my lesson honey. No eating in the living room.
HEATHER
It's a
shame Sarah had to leave for awhile.
ROBERT
Yeah, but
at least it means your niece can stay in her room during her stay.
HEATHER
Oh yes. She
should be here any minute. Bobby, get over here. Cousin Olivia is
coming.
BOBBY
Yay. Cousin
Olivia.
Audience
laughter is heard.
END
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