REBELLIOUS HOLIDAYS
Scene - The Holiday Living Room
Interior. An empty living room. Doorbell is heard.
HARV (OFFSTAGE)
Who is it?
AUDREY (OFFSTAGE)
It's your daughter coming home from college.
HARV (OFFSTAGE)
I don't have a daughter.
AUDREY (OFFSTAGE)
Dad.
HARVEY enters and stands by the door.
HARV
Did you bring your degree?
AUDREY (OFFSTAGE)
Dad come on.
HARV opens the door, AUDREY enters and hugs HARV.
AUDREY
Daddy Harv, it's so good to see you.
HARV
I missed you Funny Face.
AUDREY
Funny Face? I'm not 10 anymore.
HARV
Oh, you'll always be my little Funny Face. But if you feel too grown up for it, I won't call you Funny Face anymore.
AUDREY
Thank you. Where's Daddy Tim?
TIM
Did someone call me?
AUDREY hugs TIM.
AUDREY
Daddy Tim, hi. I missed you. I missed everyone.
TIM
We missed you too Funny Face.
AUDREY
Oh goodness. Where's Jeremy? Where's my little brother?
TIM
Little Jem Boy's been... well...
HARV
He hasn't been himself normal lately.
AUDREY
This is one family that doesn't strive for normal.
HARV
Normal for him I mean.
AUDREY
I don't follow.
TIM
He's been lashing out to us. Being rebellious. He was always a good boy.
AUDREY
Dads, he's a teenager, it's what teens do. It's why I hated high school.
TIM
I also don't think he likes being called Jem Boy anymore.
AUDREY
I can totally relate.
HARV
Maybe you can talk to him?
AUDREY
I can't talk to him. I'm 23. He's 15. We are world's away.
TIM
Please talk to him. He's been calling me Daddy T like he's a rapper or something.
HARV
Audrey, he needs his older sister. Please.
AUDREY
Okay I'll do it.
AUDREY proceeds to exit.
AUDREY (GRUMBLING TO HERSELF)
Not even home for a minute...
Scene - Jem's Room
JEREMY is in his bed reading am X-Men comic book. A poster of Kevin Keller from Archie Comics hangs near his window. A Linkin Park poster is near the head of his bed. A knock is heard.
JEREMY
Go away.
AUDREY (OFFSTAGE)
Jem Bo.... I mean... Jeremy. It's Audrey... your older sister.
JEREMY
Audrey?
JEREMY answers the door and hugs AUDREY.
JEREMY
Hey. When did you get back?
AUDREY
A minute ago... literally.
JEREMY
Good. Good.
AUDREY looks around his room, confused.
AUDREY
What happened to your room?
JEREMY
What do you mean?
AUDREY indicates the Linkin Park poster.
AUDREY
Wasn't there a Jem poster over there before?
JEREMY
Yeah. I originally put it up because I grew up with the nickname Jem Boy.
AUDREY
So why did you take it down?
JEREMY
Because I learned it was a girl's show.
AUDREY
Yeah, about a kick ass rock band.
JEREMY
Yeah?
AUDREY sits down on JEREMY's bed,
AUDREY
Yeah. I'm not saying that you have to put it back, I was just wondering.
JEREMY
Okay.
JEREMY sits down next to her and starts to read another X-Men comic.
AUDREY
Our dad's are worried about you.
JEREMY
Oh here we go?
AUDREY
So you're not ignorant. Tell what's been going on. Please.
JEREMY
What did they say?
AUDREY
Forget what they said. Are you okay?
JEREMY puts his comic book down and thinks about what to say. He puts it simply:
JEREMY
No.
AUDREY
What's wrong?
JEREMY
What's wrong is that we have two gay dads.
AUDREY
Do you prefer two straight dads?
JEREMY
Funny.
AUDREY
Are kids making fun of you?
JEREMY
No... (carefully) the kids at school think I'm gay.
AUDREY
And?
JEREMY
If anything, it's made me kind of cool.
AUDREY
Again I'm going to have to ask... what's wrong?
JEREMY
I don't want anyone thinking that gay kids come from gay parents. That is so ignorant.
AUDREY
But you don't have to worry about that, you're not gay.
JEREMY
I kinda' am.
AUDREY
Say what?
JEREMY
I'm gay, don't freak out.
AUDREY (PERKY EXCITED)
Oh baby.
JEREMY
Come on stop.
AUDREY
Our dad's are going to be so happy.
JEREMY
Our dad's aren't going to know.
AUDREY
Why not?
JEREMY
Because it's weird.
AUDREY
Why is it weird?
JEREMY
Because it will make them so happy to have a gay son.
AUDREY
Again, I have to ask,
JEREMY
Why can't they just be happy with me? Just being me?
AUDREY
Honey, they're happy with no matter if you're gay, straight or bisexual, as long as you're happy.
TIM sneaks in and eaves drop a little.
AUDREY
Tell them, okay?
TIM
Tell who what?
JEREMY
Nothing Daddy T.
TIM
Ehhh... ummm... dinner's on kids.
AUDREY
We'll be down Daddy Tim.
TIM
That's more I like it.
TIM exits. AUDREY and JEREMY follow.
AUDREY (WHISPERING TO JEREMY)
Why do you call him that?
JEREMY
Because he hates it.
AUDREY
Oh lordee.
Scene - The Dinner Table
HARV, JEREMY, AUDREY and TIM all sit to an awesome dinner.
HARV
Did you kids watch the new Carol Burnett special last month. I think your Daddy Tim taped it.
JEREMY
Taped it?
AUDREY
He means DVRed it. Taping is what they did back in the 90s with a VHS player and a blank tape.
TIM (PROUD)
Aren't we the history maven?
AUDREY (SARCASTIC)
Yes. College has taught me to remember what the VCR has brought us.
JEREMY
I thought it was a VHS?
AUDREY
Don't you have something to tell our dads.
JEREMY
No.
HARV
What do you have to tell us?
JEREMY
Nothing, don't listen to her.
TIM
Hey, hey, don't talk like that here. We are a happy family.
JEREMY
I must've missed the memo.
AUDREY
Jeremy stop.
HARV
Okay guys, what's going on?
A pause.
AUDREY
Jeremy is gay.
TIM
What?
HARV
Oh?
TIM
Jem... Son? Is this true?
JEREMY
Yes.
HARV
Oh.
TIM
Well.
AUDREY
Aren't you guys happy?
HARV
Of course we are.
TIM
I mean, you can't choose to be gay.
TIM and HARV go back to their dinner.
JEREMY
Is that it?
HARV
Yeah, why?
JEREMY
Okay.
TIM
Good.
JEREMY goes back to his dinner.
JEREMY
Is that really it?
TIM drops his fork and looks JEREMY in the face.
TIM
What do you expect son? You walk around here and treat your father and I like crap, we're always getting calls from school that you're failing, and now you've come out to us. Sorry to tell you this son, but being gay is not so unique in this house. I'd rather hear that you're doing well in school. That you appreciate things here.
HARV
Tim.
AUDREY
Dad. What is wrong with you?
HARV
Jeremy, we're just worried about you. High School wasn't easy for us.
JEREMY
Great. So let's make the home life just as screwed up huh?
AUDREY
Jeremy...
TIM (SARCASTIC)
You have a roof over your head, your own room, an allowance, and we feed you, how terrible huh?
AUDREY (FRUSTRATED)
Everybody stop.
Pause
HARV
Funny Face...
AUDREY
Daddy Harv please. I know I've been gone for a year, but what the hell happened here? Dads, your son is reaching out for love. How blind are you? And Jeremy, you need to stop trying so hard and just be yourself. You are worried about stupid things. Just be you.
JEREMY
You don't understand...
AUDREY
Of course I don't. I'm not you. But I love you. We all love you. Understand that.
Pause. AUDREY sits back down and gets back to her dinner.
JEREMY
Dads. I'm sorry. I've been so caught up in trying to just be a normal teen, that I forgot that you raised me to be better than that.
AUDREY
Yes. This is one family that doesn't strive for normal.
TIM
Damn skippy.
HARV
Jeremy, we just want you to be happy.
AUDREY (TO JEREMY)
See, what did I say?
JEREMY
Whatever. Just don't call me Jem Boy.
TIM
No, I think you've gone through enough to outgrow that.
HARV
Yeah, just plain old Jeremy
JEREMY
Hey Dad...
TIM
And dad is better than Daddy T.
JEREMY
Jem Boy's fine.
TIM
Good to hear. So Funny Face...
AUDREY
Funny Face is never fine.
TIM
Sorry.
END
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